


(And yet) I won’t ever be the chosen one

by Miss_Shiva_Adler



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting, Condoms, Dom/sub Undertones, Hate Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Mention of BDSM acts, One-Sided Attraction, Protected Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:33:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Shiva_Adler/pseuds/Miss_Shiva_Adler
Summary: He knows where to cut if needed, he knows where to push for it to hurt. His anger intermixes with a need to kill, it’s under his skin, under his nails and teeth. He almost wishes for the warlock to stop talking so they can actually fight.Shadowhunters Bingo 2019-2020Square filled : Double Date
Relationships: Background Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland - Relationship, Magnus Bane/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac, One sided Alec Lightwood/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac
Comments: 11
Kudos: 18
Collections: DL;DR: Shadowhunters Fic, SHBingo





	(And yet) I won’t ever be the chosen one

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing Sebastian Morgenstern, I loved him so much I would love to write for him again.

The hiss, it echoes, it shouts. There is another movement, another whipping sound, a scream of pain. There is praise, a repeated motion, a blush, another whipping sound, a yell of pain. There is an insult, a hidden compliment, a repeated motion, another whipping sound, a cry of pain.

Sebastian holds the metal bar more strongly with his hands. He's been… _hard._ For a good solid 10 minutes now, watching - _Thinking, enjoying, yearning_ \- and above all _hating_. He is confused, torn and turned on. He… _licks_ his lips. His head swims to conversations that have happened, to memories of bodies touching and kisses exchanged in hurried motions and apologies muttered against sweaty skin.

His eyes are riveted to Alec, who _moans_ again at the slash of the whip against his skin. The welts are already visible on his backside. Sebastian finds himself biting the inside of his lip. He… is frustrated. Things… aren't working out. Becoming Sebastian, his plans, his ideas. They have all faltered. One single kiss - _tangled sheets and whispered nothings_ \- has destroyed _everything_.

He doesn't mind, but he isn't part of it, so he does mind. It's not as much about having as it is about sharing. It is about knowing _\- about knowing it won_ _'t ever happen again -_ about knowing how Alec sounds when he comes, is sated, and what he sounds like when he falls asleep.

He… is jealous. It's about a type of willpower and a virtue of patience he isn't sure he even possesses. Sebastian isn't virtuous. He… he is a monster. Monsters don't deserve things, nice things. Alec is one of those things _\- no, not things -_ someone _\- no, not just any someone -_ a connection…

Alec is the kind of love he doesn't _deserve_ to have.

He hates the world for it. Every single one of them. Every soul in this club, every man, every woman, every _person_ , Downworlders and Nephilims alike. Because they don't know how it actually feels to be there: To be between Alec's legs, giving him pleasure, taking his pleasure, giving him pain and agony. To be the reason why he moans, groans, whimpers. Nobody knows except Jace. Because Jace is down there with him, at the center of the stage.

Showcasing, demonstrating, displaying and flaunting everything in this room that he cannot have… and Sebastian _aches - no, bleeds_ \- to be in his place. He knows from Verlac that the relationship between him and Alec was based on his similarities with Jace. The reason why he fell into Sebastian's arms on the very night he arrived at the New York institute. Why hurried kisses and promises of now bitter empty futures were whispered in the dark. It had taken Alec three more months before breaking things off. Supposedly because that's what the actual Sebastian Verlac wanted.

He had been unable to say anything else about it ever since, there had been nothing he could have done or said that wouldn't have revealed his identity. If only he hadn't let Verlac loose, memory erased, when he understood that he had no desire to fulfill his father's wishes anymore. Because he would have killed him, maybe tortured him, maybe broken him. - Alec moans again - Murdered him for taking away the only thing that Sebastian had ever truly cherished. Sebastian doesn't mind… _sharing_ _…_ as long as nothing is taken away from him.

He exhales. There is a _want,_ a _desire_ to touch himself. But he doesn't feel like he deserves to. This is a mess of his own making. He deserves the _denial_ of it _._

"Your anger makes the others flee, Nephilim." He doesn't bother to turn around, even when the stranger approaches him. He feels the hairs on his neck rise as the familiar feeling of demonic energy makes his flight instincts flare.

Warlocks smell of burnt wood and matches. The more powerful their parent, the more burnt and deeper their scent is. This one smells of the seven fallen angels.

He refuses to look away. Nothing is important enough for him to tear his gaze away. If the warlock is ready for a fight, he won't keep himself from fighting. He knows where to cut if needed, he knows where to push for it to hurt. His anger intermixes with a need to kill, it's under his skin, under his nails and teeth. He almost wishes for the warlock to stop talking so they can actually fight.

Sebastian is ready to talk, to tell the warlock to go outside with him. Until the warlock comes and leans against the railing next to him. His eyes are cast on Alec and Jace on the stage downstairs. He seems to think before he talks again.

"Oh I see, which one ? Or is it the both of them ?" Sebastian looks sideways, laying his eyes on the warlock for the first time.

He hates the fact that he knows exactly _who_ he is talking to.

He also hates the fact of how the warlock looks at Alec.

He sees through the warlock's glamour, just as much Magnus Bane can probably look through his. His anger still stirs. There is a certain beauty to him, everything that Sebastian will never _be_.

"Need any help with that ?" Sebastian keeps his face impassible as Magnus nods towards his crotch area. He finds it invasive… but also tantalizing. There is no one on this level of the club and most are further away in the corners of the room, even more so since Magnus joined him.

He turns around, leaning against the railing, and tilts his head. "It doesn't concern you." He is deliberately inviting Magnus to make a move, to see if the warlock would backtrack on his proposition. _\- he doesn_ _'t believe Magnus wants to continue -_

"I know," Magnus moves a hand and a glamour spell that reeks of demonic power falls down on them. _\- he sees through Sebastian_ _'s charade as clear as day -_ "But _I_ don't mind you thinking about someone else."

It constricts the Nephilim's throat. He doesn't believe… doesn't want to believe. But here he is… the option as clear as day. He is vulnerable and he hates it. He hates Magnus Bane with his whole heart. _\- Or what_ _'s left of it._ -

"I don't kiss." It's hard to say out loud. Magnus steps into his vicinity. Hands are on his shirt, dragging him closer.

"Neither do I." Magnus' lips are searing against his neck. He slams his eyes shut as he puts his hands on the warlock's hips. He isn't used to it. To have someone in his personal space. And he hates the fact that it isn't Alec. He hates the fact that Alec is down there and not here with him, upstairs. He hates the fact that he is rutting against Magnus Bane's leg that so conveniently found itself in between his own and he _likes_ it.

He feels a mark getting sucked into his neck and he groans. Magnus' stomach is _toned,_ not like Alec's but enough to feel nice. He rubs himself more against the muscles of those legs. There is a cry of relief in his mind. But not one he would ever utter out loud. His body just gets warm and heated. His hands roam. Magnus lets out a moan as Sebastian grabs a fistful of his hair.

He can't help but sink his teeth into the soft flesh of Magnus' throat, wanting it to break, wishing to lap at the Warlock's blood but knowing they would probably cause a whole panic around them as Magnus would retaliate. He marks it up. Lets his tongue trail down to the dip of the collarbone.

Another whipping in the background leaves him hard and wanting, it's the sound of a loud and sinful moan on the stage downstairs that leaves him breathless. Magnus' notices. Magnus also notices _when_ his hips buck against the skilled hands that are slowly making their way to the inside of his trousers.

A grunt of pleasure passes his lips as he is manhandled against the railing so he can be facing the scene. Hands are yanking down the rest of his bottom clothes. He sucks in a breath from the cold air hitting his thighs and prick. He is leaking already, being exposed like this, and watching Alec move toward Jace.

_-The smell of burning matches and powers from Edom makes his nostrils flare.-_

The lube is cold against his rim. He keeps his eyes open as he watches Alec do the same to Jace. Fingers ease themselves into tight entrances and moans are muffled. Alec's lips enclose around Jace's prick and Sebastian feels the jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach, knowing _exactly_ how that feels. Alec's tongue knew how to tease. Even when pliable, submissive or, at the contrary, very dominant.

"You're tight." Magnus is swearing under his breath in a language he doesn't recognise. Sebastian grunts as fingers brush over his prostate. "It's Alexander, right ? The one you want ?"

Sebastian clenches his teeth, refusing to say anything. He can't keep himself from swallowing a grunt. Magnus doesn't chuckle like Sebastian expects him to. If anything he seems to _like_ it, to like the struggle, he feels it. Sebastian grips at the railing, trying to keep his legs from trembling. The feeling of those fingers overwhelms him, wakes up a fog in his mind. Magnus is still wearing rings. It gives the kind of sting he doesn't mind and his prick twitches.

"Am I wrong ?" there is a grin in his voice, and Sebastian hates it, abhors it. -another thrust of fingers have him panting- "Alexander would look good in my bed."

"You can't come between those two." Sebastian cuts Magnus mid sentence. His eyes are laid on the couple downstairs. The rocking of Jace's hips is slow, his face is contorted in concentration as he holds Alec's hair. Alec swallows him whole, gets kept there. Sebastian rocks back on the fingers inside of him. There is a tremble in Jace's gestures as Alec takes him apart with his own stimulation and tongue.

"It's not about coming in between. Although I wouldn't mind to be." There is a tease to his fingers and Sebastian feels Magnus' erection grind against him. There is so much desire and power rolling off his shoulders.

"You babble a lot for a quick shag," he says, he hiccups, he pants. Magnus is about to speak again when he grabs the warlock's hair behind him. "Shut up, shag me or walk away." He grits between his teeth. He feels himself lose footing. Magnus _rubs_ his prostate. There is a haze in front of his eyes… he would… he could… he wants…

- _Alec_ _'s voice is calm and soothing, pleading_ -

"So commanding…" Magnus chides, he whispers in Sebastian's ear, his fingers twist, come in and out… in and out… in… and… out… "For someone so desperate."

He hates Magnus Bane as he prevents himself from begging. He cries out as those fingers leave him. He looks down as he sees Alec's fingers do the same. His spit-slicked lips are swollen. Jace manhandles him and Sebastian doesn't even hear the condom wrapper being ripped open. He is too transfixed. The way Alec displays himself is sinful. His cuffed hands are holding himself open, to ease Jace in.

Sebastian hits the rail as he lets out a strangled sound when Magnus breaches his rim. The stretch is long, it burns a little. He breathes through his nose. He hears Magnus' praise. He doesn't need it. He wishes he could punch the warlock away, but it feels too good to care, he is too overwhelmed to say 'stop' or 'no' or even give Magnus the _satisfaction_ to say 'wait'. He _takes_ what he is given. His breathing is ragged, it's hard to _swallow_.

He doesn't let Magnus speak again before he rocks himself back. There are hands on his hips and a mouth against his face. Magnus hisses in his ears as he goes _slow,_ taking example from Jace _._

 _-He is almost completely out when Sebastian feels a wrecked clench gasping for more, he doesn_ _'t know whom it's coming from… him or Alec.-_ or Magnus.

Fingers brush away blond stands of hair. There is a nudge inside his back and Sebastian grasps at his concentration again. He shivers as Magnus breathes in his neck. Hands pin him in place. He loses himself, closing his eyes as he rolls his hips back. His fingers are shaking and Magnus holds him down. Fingers dig into his jaw and cheeks. The pain forces his mouth to open. There is a whimper upon his tongue.

_-He moans into the possessive touch.-_

"You're taking it so well for me." Magnus is gritting between his teeth. Sebastian knows what the warlock's attention is riveted to. Because he feels it, the tension, the expectations. Magnus is good at this, at finding the angle, at finding an almost punishing pace. But in its midst there is a stutter, a halt, a driving force under the form of a moan. _Alec_ _'s_ moan. Magnus listens. And Sebastian feels, no, _understands_ it.

Because they both _ache_ for it.

Sebastian smirks, knowing what he is about to say next will drive the warlock into a frenzy. "You should hear him once he rides you," he presses himself harder onto Magnus' prick. The hand around his jaw relaxes to let him speak freely. "The way he comes, his gasps are exquisite. "

"How do you know ?" Sebastian quivers at the tone. There was intent behind Magnus' voice. He thrusts his hips sharply, egging Sebastian on to speak. But Sebastian refuses to. If Magnus wants to know he will have to _work_ for it. Aborted moans make Sebastian breathless as the warlock proceeds to just _wreck_ him.

He does that with his nails, they drag over his skin, they don't draw blood but Sebastian wants him to. There is a hand on his dick and Magnus' cold jewelry catches on his flesh. He keeps his eyes on Alec, Alec with a blissed out face, probably not even remembering his own name but remembering his partner's. His hands are trembling

-" _Sebastian,_ _" his name, his_ chosen _name, as a litany of pleasure spilling from the lips of the man he_ loves _._ -

"Because I've slept with him." He lets it out, unable to keep himself from talking anymore. "More than once, at the institute." Magnus' nails dig into his back, dissuading Sebastian from playing another game of denial.

"How does he feel ?" There is a tremble in Magnus' throat. One of envy and the satisfaction Sebastian feels is worth any possible _punishment_ Magnus would inflict on him.

"As if you are his whole wide world."

His words have their effect. Magnus pushes his face down over the railing, a hand in Sebastian's hair. Magnus doesn't bother with slow anymore. There is a cry of relief coming from Sebastian as he lets himself go. The fingers against his scalp give a stimulation he craves, he shudders and lets out an unrestrained moan.

He grinds himself through the tight space between Magnus' forefinger and thumb. It's hot, heated, he desires more and he bites his lip to prevent himself from pleading. It sears his body, and he chokes on a sob, trying to find a way to ground himself but the way Magnus fucks him on the tip of his prick is… too much.

He won't beg… He refuses to beg. No matter what the release of it could bring to his mind; he won't beg, not for anyone, especially not _Magnus Bane._

The tension of keeping himself in makes his body shake, go haywire. There are tears on his face. When he comes it isn't because Alec does, it's because of the hand on his neck and the _nails_ buried in his flesh there. It's wet and hard and he feels like he is ejaculating for hours. It stains his trousers and Magnus is grunting, chasing his own pleasure. Sebastian undergoes it, he is sensitive, overwhelmed. Magnus' teeth are in the meat of his shoulder and Sebastian growls in pain as the warlock bites him.

There is a tremble to Magnus' muscles when he comes.

His legs are shaking. He is floating. He can't stay on his feet once Magnus leaves him. He drags his trousers back up before sitting down on the ground against the railing. There is an ache. But his head is empty. For the first time in weeks. He swallows, realising his mouth is parched from his moaning.

The pain in his chest is _dulled_.

He hears the music and the glamour is still up. He closes his eyes. Lets his own arms enclose him. He rests his cheek against his forearms as he draws up his knees to his chest. He exhales, almost ready to fall asleep. He dries his cheeks.

- _His greatest fear is a love he cannot control_ -

He feels Magnus approach again. It's on instinct, the scent of sex and burnt matches is strong. It coils his stomach in disgust and anger. But also fright. He feels uneasy as and he looks up, Magnus is holding what Sebastian can read as a cocktail glass, about to kneel toward him. He panics.

"Bloody don't." Magnus stops dead in his tracks. Sebastian can't really read the warlock's emotion. But the frown is enough to make him understand that Magnus is shifting between the motions of annoyance and arrogance. Sebastian's voice had been full of anger.

"I am not here to hug you." There is a bit of a vicious tone to him and Sebastian can't keep in a satisfied smirk. Excitement prickles through his skin. "I'm here to give you a drink." This is about power. About how much Magnus can be under his skin. Sebastian wants him _gone_.

"Are you always like this ?" _This_ as in: kind, _this_ as in: thoughtful, _this_ as in: unnerving, _this_ as in: passionate and strong, _this_ as in so much more than Sebastian will ever _be_. He knows his arms are around himself for comfort, he knows Magnus can see that and yet he tries not to think about what was going through Magnus' mind. He inhales before uncrossing his arms to appear a bit more nonchalant. He feels vulnerable under the warlock's scrutiny. And hates it. But then again, Sebastian takes pride in his twisted self; monsters are just monsters after all.

"I might be." He swirls his drink before sipping it. "But before you leave and disappear forever, I have a proposition to make."

"I don't want to hear about it." Sebastian wants him to shut up. There is a huff from the warlock and Sebastian feels the gratifying burning sensation of having won an argument. Magnus shifts on his feet, his shoulders tensed up. Almost as if he is ready to fight. But also ready to make his point. He moves his hands in the air exasperatedly before closing his eyes and massaging his temple with his thumb. Sebastian can't ignore the jolt of something he feels as Magnus looks _down_ at him again.

"I will not ask again." Sebastian feels his gut wrench. He finds himself unable to give a quipping remark. Magnus' gaze pins him to the ground. He _averts_ his eyes. He glances to the stage downstairs again, where Alec and Jace are hugging. He can see Alec whispering in Jace's ear. His blood boils and he wants to rip everyone's guts out. He looks back up defiantly at the warlock. He refuses the offered hand and gets up on his own strength. Magnus isn't smiling but he tilts his head to the side, waiting for Sebastian to speak.

"You've got 5 minutes," he utters between gritted teeth, knowing that the only reason why he is staying is so that he can catch another glimpse of Alec again.

And absolutely _not_ because _Magnus Bane_ is the first person to offer him a drink.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're over 18 and wanna hang out with other people who love Shadowhunters (I'm there too) come check out the [Hunter's Moon](https://discord.gg/RhZPtsd)


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